Thoughts that come with another candle

The view while hiking behind Marcia's cabin

Ty Ty's last day of first grade! Sisters Lillie & Lexi help out on his field day.

Thanks to all who sent birthday greetings. I spent my birthday/Memorial Day weekend in a gorgeous handcrafted New Mexican rustic cabin with my family and friends Marcia and Larry. It was the best weekend I’ve spent so far in the almost four years we’ve been in NM. Thank you Marcia and Larry!!
 
As birthdays often prompt, I've made some time to think. Here 5.5 thoughts from my birthday…things I thought I knew but wish I had truly understood when I was 28.
 
1) CHANGE – I always intellectually knew that “nothing stays the same”, but from childhood, I've had the tendency to cling to what has been, to save, to preserve (some may say hoard?). I’m not advocating turning one’s back on the past, but just letting go of things that I don’t use anymore, clothes I don’t wear anymore, and, even, when it’s no longer a fit, letting go of people whose energy or choices brings me down, no matter how long they've been in my life. Human nature is to avoid change when possible, to keep things "just in case", to keep things to make others happy, all of which are a recipe for disaster in an ever-changing world. Instead, I must stay open to all the new things that intimidate or overwhelm me. One of the last lessons I learned from my parents is the emotional price one pays for avoiding change. Everything changes, from technology to our relationships, to our bodies. I am learning to greet each new day with acceptance and openness for whatever it brings, with no judgement attached (which isn’t always easy!)
 
2) SHARE – I always knew that it was important to share, but now, I find, it’s gone from “a good idea” to “that’s why we’re all here.” In the end, we can keep exactly ZERO of what we have. When I’ve finished books, I’ve begun sending them to friends, as it sparks great discussions. I’ve become strategic about sharing my time, my energy, my talents, our home, and some beautiful things that we’ve enjoyed and now want others to enjoy as well.
 
3) CONNECTION - As the realization that my parents’ generation is leaving us, I have a new conviction of the importance of cultivating both old and new friendships. I am carving out time to see friends who initially were my parents’ friends (see March’s blog). On the other end of the age spectrum, thankfully, I genuinely enjoy some of my kids’ friends, and their parents. In writing this, I realize that in all four of my different freelance jobs, I work with people whom I genuinely enjoy and respect, and actually consider to be friends. Friends always make a place more special, an event more special, life more special. Think of it this way: which is more fun, visiting Paris or visiting Paris when you have friends there to connect with?
 
4) YES – The word yes can take us places. This point is also “the importance of being open to the people and opportunities in front of us.” Every single one of my freelance jobs has come from word of mouth/referral, because I said yes to the people in my life.
 
5) LAUGHTER – My kids tell me I laugh a lot, and they like that. Yet, there are many reasons not to laugh. From our political mess, to this marking a year of unemployment for my husband, to trying to figure out where one of our kids will go to school next year (she left her independent school due to unremitting bullying), it seems I encounter despair and fear daily, in great doses. And yet, I’ve learned that this anguish is exactly why laughter is so important. We don’t laugh because our lives are ideal. We laugh to connect, to plug into and enjoy the present moment, because it’s really all we have.
 
0.5) THE POWER OF YET – Gone is the belief that I have to be good at something to do it (karaoke beware!). Gone is the belief that “it’s too late”. Join me in the power of yet, as in “I’m not good at decorating cakes…YET”. And even if "yet" doesn't arrive, it's the journey, always the journey...

Here's to another year ahead. Thank you for sharing this ride with me.