Beginnings, Endings & the Connection Between

The Truck! The Truck!

Boxes, Anyone?

Post-Truck, Pre-Box Relaxation1

The truck FINALLY arrived!  And there was much rejoicing!  (and then unpacking, hence the break in blogging).
In taking a box break, I read an update on FB from an Amherst College friend informing us that (two days before my stuff arrived) our classmate Kevin had committed suicide. 
On paper, Kevin was not a likely suicide candidate (most probably aren’t): married, two kids, career.  
Before you send condolences my way, to my regret, I don’t know if I ever spoke more than a passing hello to Kevin. We lived in the same dorm Freshman year, and (from my 18 year old perspective) as a football player, Kevin was a Big Man on Campus, a Somebody, a leader.  I was hoping to someday become a "Somebody Worth Knowing". In the meantime,I was  trying to fit in, make friends, pass my classes. 
I wonder if Kevin struggled with depression at Amherst.  In the years since college, I’ve learned there’s no easy panacea when depression is this serious.
 
Both my husband and I have members in our extended families who suffer from severe clinical bouts of depression. Makes me wonder how common, and unspoken, severe depression is. I applaud Kevin's family for their transparency. On my part, I’ve seen how depression brings my kin and those around her to their knees, brings her life to a crippling halt, rendering everyone in her life feeling powerless to help.

Coincidentally, while unpacking (because that’s my jam these days), I was listening to a Tim Ferriss podcast with the ever-gifted superstar singer/songwriter Sia. She shared that right after she wrote “Breathe Me” (the gorgeous melodic masterpiece to the “Six Feet Under” Finale that had us all weeping), she tried to commit suicide (!!!).  The loneliness in her song is palpable; the plea to “be my friend” haunting. (I had no idea Sia’s interview would go here, BTW)
 Ferriss replied to Sia that Czech psychotherapist Stanislav Grof had explained to him that he has found the desire to kill oneself is rooted in a desire to kill the Ego. The Ego, of course, separates us from those around us.  Grof continued that the only way most people know to kill the Ego is to kill their physical body. 
In these days of COVID, we are experiencing isolation like never before; our separation from each other feels larger than normal…our Egos sense it.
 
If I could go back to my insecure naïve 18 year-old self at Amherst, I would ask her why she would buy into the cultural notion that there were "Somebodies" and "Those Hoping to Become Somebodies Worth Knowing".  
In reality, there’s only Us.  We’re in this together, at different places on the spectrum. We’re all finding our way. And just when we think we have it figured out, things change, and we’re back to that uncomfortable place of searching, which paradoxically is the best place to be.  I say it’s the best place because I’ve learned when I’m not exploring the new in life, I get stuck, and that’s ultimately more painful.  
 
Two days after our stuff arrived, our Amherst classmate Alain Hunkins started a 30-day leadership challenge, and invited us all to participate.  I confess, having just moved away from my longstanding Los Angeles dream of being a TV writer, I was not feeling like much of a leader, or anyone to emulate. 
 The challenge is based on Hunkin’s view of what makes a great leader: connection, communication, and collaboration. The cornerstone of the challenge? Gratitude, and celebrating the small victories (empty boxes, anyone?).  Participants “high five” each other’s victories, like each other’s goals, cheer each other on.  It’s been a remarkable way to start and end the day.  The connection is an especially gratifying part of the course.
 
 As I unpack my what feels like my 234th box, I realize, our biggest challenge is not landing our dream job. It’s leading our lives so we are present in the here and now. It’s connecting with – really noticing -  people in our daily lives, communicating from the heart, collaborating with a shared vision.  
Here’s to new beginnings.  
​Now, if I could just find my waterpik….