Who Am I?

Two weeks to the day after my second COVID vaccination, I saw Mom for the first time in 19 months.  
 
I had told her for weeks that I was coming to visit, and would even be there for Mother's Day. Every time we spoke, I brought up how excited I was to see her, and we kept a running countdown to this long-anticipated reunion.
 
THE day dawned this past rainy Wednesday. I found Mom in her bed by the window. She was writing something in a notepad. 
“Hi Mom!” I said, running over to her, having traveled for hours for this moment.
 
She looked at me and then asked, ever so sweetly and sincerely, 
“Who are you?”
 

Who am I?  
I am flesh of your flesh, bone of your bone. 
I am the one you gave birth to three weeks early, too young and naïve to know that cigarettes and the occasional martini during pregnancy could make a difference.
I am the one you fed, played with, taught, comforted, disciplined, put to sleep.
I am the one who craved your attention, your approval, your praise.
I am the one marveled at your warmth with others, and sought to copy your seemingly effortless ability to create and sustain close friendships.
I am the one who learned all the songs you liked, liked all the desserts you made, made a mess of the house you could never quite tidy, even after I moved on.
 
Who am I? 
I am the one who has the ear for language, eye for adventure, feet off the ground.
The one who loves learning, traveling, the ocean.
The one everyone believed would never marry.
The one who still strives to make a difference, who overcomes many of the fears I learned from you, who wants to heal the planet, who finds solace in words. 
 
Who am I?
I am the one who has chosen happiness, knowing that sadness and fear are never far off.
The one who still wishes on stars and birthday candles and the wishbones of chickens.
The one who kisses my children while they sleep, hoping they will embrace life as much as I have learned to.
The one who has come to cherish above all else friendship, kind words, hugs, and laughter. 
The one who has thrills to see the moon dance on the ocean, or the crimson sun invite us to a new day as it rises over a mountain. 
The one who keeps striving to grow, embrace change, and challenge myself as I risk and sometimes fall, try and sometimes fail, but still I rise, take a deep breath, and step back in the ring.
The one who finally married her best friend.
 
Who am I?
I am the one who will cry when you are gone.
Who is now crying because so much of you has already left.
Who will remember your birthdays and anniversaries as if they were my own.
Who grasps in a new way that every beginning has an ending, and that endings, no matter how much we brace ourselves for them, leave us bereft.