The Tables At Which We Sit

Sisters with Sir Otis and our little Windsor Roo Cheerio, Duchess of Delight....Our second car

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I recently read musings by writer Paula D’Arcy in which she talked about a dream she had. She was a child again, sitting at the family kitchen table with her siblings and parents. Hers is a scene I still can recall: Mom asking us about our days as she picks up her glass of red wine; Dad carving the chicken; Pauline, Jake and I vying to share the best nuggets from our days, or get the juiciest pieces of chicken. Then, suddenly, as in D’Arcy’s dream, the table is gone.
 
And so it goes.

The kitchen table of our childhoods, once so constant and oft taken for granted, crumbles to a memory.
 
This image got me thinking: Whom have we brought to our next tables (both metaphorically and physically) and what are the foundations of these tables? We actually sit at many tables, often in the same season of life, and of course as we enter different seasons. How does each table nourish us? Whom do we choose to sit closest to? Are there tables that no longer serve us, from which we should move on? Are there tables that would benefit us to join?
 
This led me to thinking about transitions, and how in life, it seems I have gone from a season of Rejection and Loss to a season of Flourishing and Growth, almost inexplicably. Despite what pop psychology tells us, I didn’t change my thinking or intention or outlook. I just kept believing in myself as I weathered some intense losses, a few unnecessarily brutal rejections, some “wait and sees” and then…
 
Jobs I applied for in June and July came to fruition in November and September, respectively. Thankfully, they are remote contractor project-based, and I love both. It turns out, I am really gifted at both and add tremendous value.
 
Likewise, the incredible principal at the kids’ school where I was substitute teaching in the meantime (before the floodgates opened), offered me a teaching position for the rest of the year. Luckily, it is from 7:30AM-11AM every day, so I can work my other two jobs.
 
Next, a dear friend started throwing some medical editing work my way every month, and it’s fascinating. I learn so much. Then, my beloved tutoring picked up. I feel so lucky to contribute at each of these tables. Sure, it’s sometimes over 40 hours a week, so a lot of juggling. The laundry gets done less frequently, cards & emails don’t get sent, and the frozen section of Trader Joe’s makes more appearances at our table than it used to. Yet, after all the unexpected no’s and the painful goodbyes, I am extraordinary grateful to be thriving in so many milieus.
 
Where my former self might have felt overwhelmed by these multiple jobs, now I strategize balance, from a place of appreciation. Where last year I wrestled with not being able to afford things, now I joyfully wrestle with how to fit in commitments. I probably wouldn’t have been able to handle all this had I not stumbled through the dire desert of last year.
 
With the extra income, we’ve been able to buy a ridiculously-needed second car. And, much to Jory’s hesitation, a second dog, a sweet puppy friend for Sir Otis. I even have been able to add to my wardrobe for the first time in forever. We can start paying off debt. It is a time of expansion, of growth, of YES.
 
So for those of you persevering through a season of Loss and Rejection, hear this: There’s nothing wrong with you, broken as you may feel. The losses that crushed you don’t go away, but somehow you will stand tall again. As for the rejections, with perspective, you will see them differently, too. For example, a person in authority had even taken the time to tell me that while my query didn’t “deserve a reply”, he would still speak to me.  While initially really hurt and confused, I clearly now see that my energy simply is not a match for that institution’s, his especially.
 
Having persisted, I am now in synch with so many wonderful employers and opportunities that some nights, I fall asleep before my head hits the pillow. And I dream. Wonderful dreams, where I can see how I contribute, and learn and grow and celebrate at each of these tables.
 
Then I wake up, and joyfully take my seat for another day of yes.
 
Happy New Year indeed.