First Holiday Letter in Years...buh-bye 2023

Happy Holidays....why does Tyler look like he's posing for a mug shot with Santa?

Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don't have the strength. Teddy Roosevelt
 
2023 taught us a lot about courage (code for buckle your seatbelt).
 
Jory gets the gold medal here. His dream job with the XFL vanished in May with the XFL, thanks to its merger. Since then, it’s been a daily adventure of applying for jobs, interviewing, and facing a sheer wall of rejection. Add to that the violent death of his father the week before Thanksgiving, followed by the discovery that his stepmother (with his father’s prior blessing) cut him out of their will, since the fortune technically belonged to her. It’s been a year of having to cancel trips, vacations, shows, and outings. It’s been a year of Plan B, sometimes Plan C, and sometimes all plans have come to naught. A year of courageously showing up.
 
Lillie Grace’s dreams of a future in dance were shattered in February, when she snapped the articular cartilage of her right knee in half. At first, we were all in disbelief, but two surgeries later, with most of the year on crutches, she courageously accepted that her dancing days were over. She had begun dance seriously at 3 years old, and now was retiring at the ripe old age of 12. Showing tremendous resilience, she picked up a guitar, taught herself basics, then took lessons and placed into her school’s highest class of guitar performance. Seventh grade has been a much better year for her, with her finding her tribe of “ride or die” besties, quality girls whom we love, and often have over the house. She has thrived this year, being selected for the NM state choir, lead prosecutor for the Mock Trial down in Las Cruces, and the sole singer with the school’s jazz band. On top of this, she is a full-fledge Swiftie teenager, perfecting the eye roll, door slam, and the snark.
 
In continuing with the courage motif, Lexi changed her name from Ali, graduated from our public elementary school, turned down admission to her sister’s elite academy and chose to attend a small prestigious prep school. It’s time to ask the question: Have things changed much since we were in middle school? As far as micro-aggression from the “it” girls, sadly, we may as well be back in the 1980s. Brutal exclusion, ignoring, and subtle put downs are quietly rampant, even augmented by texting - and this is everywhere. (My visions of Jane Aliband in 7th grade still make me shudder.) What has changed is the way this school has responded. Thankfully, the administration has formed a team with us to help Lexi develop what she is lacking: self-confidence, skills, and hope. It will not be an overnight fix (say, like Jory suddenly getting a job) but it will ultimately result in a self-assured fun-loving child. We love her school and are so grateful for their partnership and concern. We also added a sweet new puppy named Windsor to the family (never dreaming Jory would lose his job, oops). Despite now having holes in every blanket we own (dogs chew blankets – who knew?) Windsor has joined Otis in giving daily comfort and companionship to Lexi when she has needed it most.
 
In the “I believe in miracles” department, Tyler Shea has made it to first grade!  While academics still challenge him, he adores his teacher Ms. Camera, and has lots of friends, thanks to his high Emotional Intelligence and easy-going nature. He loves to help his sisters by sharing gems such as “how to handle ‘bollies when they bolly you’“ and "you should be nicer to Mom, Lillie Grace.” Because his unsolicited free advice is quietly dismissed on a good day (and met with worse other times), Ty goes to jiu jitsu three times a week, in the hopes that someday it will make others take him more seriously. His favorite room in the house is the kitchen pantry, not a room, but to him a whole world of fabulous food. He also does soccer and chess once a week, which is our effort to fight the losing battle of getting him away from screens. He is a staunch believer in Santa, except when it comes to picking up his dirty clothes from the floor or making his bed. This may account for his terrified expression in the above photo.
 
As for me, I have found sanity and humor with all the above by keeping in touch with close friends (many of whom are reading this: thank you!), meditating, working out, and writing, writing, writing. My alcohol consumption has gone way down (because it turns out wine and stress are not friends) though my chocolate consumption remains robust (I need at least one vice). Mercifully, I stopped teaching because coming home depleted from class was not good for the family, or for me. One of my best friends hired me to write a book based on her family, and it is one of the most compelling projects I’ve written in my life. I believe it will be published next year (if you have connections to a publisher LMK), and it has given me such joy in which to immerse myself.
 
2023 has challenged us to the hilt, but, as I keep reminding myself, it’s not 2021. That was a year of bone-crushing loss. Not only were both Jory and I in a post-pandemic complete state of unemployment, but I lost my beloved Mom and Dad, my cousin Gary, and Homie, my dog of 15 years. In comparison, 2023 has been a year of building courage, and at least I showed up to get a Christmas letter out – first one since 2020.
 
The silver lining of flexing courage, of course, is growth and expansiveness. One of my tutoring clients recently wrote me, “The way you see people reminds of what Blake wrote, ‘To see a world in a grain of sand, And a heaven in a wild flower....’. It is what I strive for (key word here being strive), to approach the world and each person I greet with openness and wonder.
 
I wish that for all of us.