Word up!

This Elf collected over 150 holiday cards from two schools for seniors in Independent Living

Besties

I’ve been asked to check in about my word of the year for 2024: Surrender
 
Let’s be honest - usually, by May, any word I chose in January has fallen by the wayside, along with all other NY resolutions.

Surrender, however, was a concept that, ironically, wouldn’t let me go.
 
My close friend Michele sent me the incredible book “The Surrender Experiment” by Michael Singer, which led me to start my own Surrender Experiment of sorts. This has changed my life.
 
For guidance, I’ve been listening to Singer’s podcasts about five times a week, and became a student of surrender. I’ve been doing this for months now, and the learning curve has been steep. Singer is fascinating: a yogi of Jewish origins, he enjoys Buddhism and thinks of Jesus as his personal hero.  His giggle remind me of my Uncle Walter.
 
I still have a long way to go, but probably the best thing I can say about My Surrender Experiment is that my kids say I am less stressed. That’s a big deal, as they are my toughest critics, and they would know better than anyone.
 
Last year at this time, when I started exploring the concept of surrender, my top two stressors were:
1) we were 7 months in to my husband’s unemployment stint (which would last another 9 months). Our savings had never recovered from COVID, and things were financially bleak.  
2) Our younger daughter was being mercilessly bullied. (I had already addressed the situation with her principal, but it would get so bad that she would cry every morning on the way to school, begging and pleading to stay home). She ended up leaving the school at the end of the year, and we weren’t quite sure where she’d go, as we had missed other schools’ application deadlines.
 
Just this to say, things got much much worse before they got better. So, for the kids to say that they found me more relaxed in the midst of all this, is really saying something.
 
What does surrender mean to me? (I think different people define it differently).
 
In my understanding, a lot of surrender centers around letting go. The misconception here is that people think that you don’t take action. Quite the contrary. In response to our financial predicament, I started my own company in 2024 and went back to school after 25 years (which has its own inherent stressors, LOL). Letting go simply means I stopped feeling like I had to fix things. Frankly, people and most things are beyond my control. Letting go simply freed me up to take action from a place of calm after much thought, not out of desperation or as a reaction. In giving myself the space to separate from a situation, I gave myself freedom. In some situations, I see that I don't need to take action at all, where I previously would have been spinning my wheels.
 
I’ve also worked on releasing the past, with all its regrets, pain and disappointments. It helps me stay open and curious to a situation, and not react from my biases. I’ve even worked on releasing past successes, as when you think about it, what good does clinging to them do? This process can take years for anyone over the age of 35. Definitely a work in progress. 
Surrender has even led me to shed a lot of stuff that I’ve been saving from the past: my past, my parents’ pasts, even my grandparents’ pasts. We are here to experience, to share, to pass things along. Clinging hurts more than it helps. 
 
Another big concept has been accepting the present, as in: It is what it is. When I can accept that things are not what I wish they were, or what I think they should be, I can actually relax and start enjoying some aspects of what is in front of me. For example, I have lessened much of the shame and disappointment of our financial constraints through acceptance. It is what it is. The prices on housing and quality education far outstrip middle class salaries today, so in choosing both an exceptional school and home, other areas like travel and entertainment take a hit. I have friends out here who, instead of paying the hefty tuition bills we do, send their kids to the local public middle school and take exorbitant trips. We’ve made a different choice. I was fortunate as a child to do both, but the present is what it is. 
 
I’ve also freed myself from enormous stress by untethering myself from worry about the future.  Again, it’s not that I don’t take action or plan for the future; it’s more like I realize that I can control exactly nothing and no one, not even my heart beat. Again, I remind myself that I’m on the planet to experience life: the joy, the heartbreak and the uncertainty. Look at the challenges I’ve already come through. I can handle what may come.
 
Finally, there’s the whole concept of becoming non-judgmental, which challenges a lifetime of religious upbringing, critical thinking and self-protection. The older we get, the less we know for sure. This frees up the need to “control” things, things over which I never really had control in the first place. Refraining from judgement enables me to stay a lot more open and curious.
 
This surrender stuff is definitely a process, but a year in, I now feel that I live with more serenity, more curiosity and more openness.  I've even started listening to Eckhart Tolle, whose voice reminds me of a muppet.

​So thanks for asking about my journey of 2024. 
 
Now here’s 2025… Anyone want to share their word/concept of the year?  I’m not quite sure what mine will be; it may still be connected to surrender, but I’m open to whatever resonates!